A Heavy Heart

I have deeply enjoyed getting to share some of our family’s life and my little projects with you on this website.  Although I mostly like to share about my interests in homesteading and simple living, I find myself feeling a tad philosophical at times.  It’s almost therapeutic to write down my feelings in words when certain thoughts are on my mind.

Friday, yesterday, and today, my children have taken up most of my thoughts.  Not because they are adorable boys who make me so very proud.  Not because they have gotten into some rambunctious trouble lately, either.  Mainly, I’ve been pondering what it means to be a parent in the world today.  This latest tragic school shooting has affected me much more than some of the others because my child is the same age as many of those lost.  It has hit this nation hard and I know we’ve all been left with less security and with much more sadness for the loss of each child and teacher.  I’m not writing this because I want to be current or sensational but because this has weighed so heavily on my heart.  I’m sure it has for all of you too, especially those of you who have young children and grandchildren.

The last day or so, I debated writing about the school shooting.  This blog is not about current events or news reporting.  I have nothing new to add to the story.  But as I went over some of my post ideas in preparation for today, everything seemed so trite and unimportant compared to what had happened.  So if you don’t mind my need for this therapy, I’d like to get out some of my thoughts.

I need to remember to pray for my children – always.  So often in the mornings, we are busy getting ready, running late, and  we’re rushing out the door with me chiding them to “hurry!”.  It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day petty little things and forget the things that really matter.  Like that big hug and kiss before we leave the house.  (It’s just not cool to do that in front of the other kids at the bus stop.)  Like praying over our children’s safety as we leave them in the hands of others.  Making sure they know just how much their Mommy and Daddy LOVE them.

I need to remember to continue to pray for the families of the victims.  I’m guessing that most of us were praying when we heard about the shooting.  As life moves along for those of us who are blessed to be uninvolved, we tend to forget that those families and friends have a long road of grieving ahead of them.  Let us remember to keep them in our thoughts and prayers so that they might be comforted.

There is a war on children today.  With this trend towards more and more school shootings, you can see the physical side of it.  Beyond that, there is a war for their loss of innocence, for their minds, and for their spirits. My immediate (and yes, very irrational) response to the tragedy around us is to want to wrap my boys in bubble wrap, not let them leave the house, and personally fight any and all evil that comes their way.  But really, that’s not going to solve anything or help them at all.  My hope is that we can put them in the hands of the Higher Power and then do our very best to raise them to be independent, responsible men.

I’m guessing few of us feel like we are the world’s best parent.  There are many nights, after especially trying days, that my husband and I look at each other and ask, “Were we too tough?  Were we tough enough?  Are we doing the right thing?”  Let’s just hope that someday our boys can look back and realize that we did our best and that, no matter what good or evil might have come along, their Mom and Dad always LOVED them.

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This picture was taken on my oldest’s first day of first grade. Sorry Thing #1, I know you felt so grown-up, but it about broke your Mommy’s heart to see you drive away on that bus.

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